I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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