Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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