I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
