sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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