someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
