If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I forget how to act sober
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
