It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
