i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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