well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
