tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
