She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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