Buhtt sex?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
