I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
