; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
