There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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