Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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