Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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