We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
