so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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