I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
