It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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