All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
