Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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