It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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