I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
