I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
