I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
