so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
