u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
