I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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