Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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