PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
