Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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