conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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