OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
