I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
