we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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