We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
