im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
