First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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