This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
