I feel great
I just peed on a car
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
