We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
