Don't make out with my wife yet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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