I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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