I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
