i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
