I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
