It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dicks are not precious.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
