I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
