Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
