well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
